Goodbye 2004 =)

So this is it, my last post of 2004.

It's been an eventful year for me, what with laughter and joy, heartache and angst, stress and more stress, and of course some moments of quiescence. I've definitely changed quite a bit, because my stepping into two different JCs opened up my horizons like never before.

I've met some very good friends in JJC in the first quater of the year, and it's thanks to them that I quicly adapted to life in JC. But after that, coming into SAJC was one of the best things that happened to me. I've got a great class with equally great people (yeaps that includes the three of you: SY, XL and Becks!), joined a close-knit CCA, and discovered a wilder side of me. Haha. The only other thing not going right was my grades. -_-'''

This is me in 2004...

On all things political: The Iraq war, the messy Taiwanese elections, Bush's reinstatement, incessant suicide bombings and kidnaps by terrorists... Wait I'm getting giddy already. Never mind.

On Paris Hilton: All together now... "Ewwwwwwwww". Hahhaa. The conceited hotel heiress never fails to get on my nerves. She's a classic example of a dumb blonde. No. An extremely dumb blonde. I think people are fascinated with her because they want to see just how dumb a person can actually get. She's at the zenith in my opinion. Bleah.

On the Blogging trend: Yikes. Almost everyone owns a blog now. I actually started blogging in sec 3, but it was on-and-off. I dunno, but somehow I feel blogs are the best displays of narcissism. One would yak on and on about oneself, and it's tiring after a while. But there's no denying that we are busybodies, and there's no better way to keep track of your friend's life than through his/her blog. Of course, there're some blogs devoted to politics, philosophy, the entertainment industry, etc etc. They have weighty influences on alot of matters. Those are worth noting, and great for killing time. And it's not called push-button publishing for nothing. So go on people, keep blogging, 'cos this trend is here to stay.

On S'pore Idol: This year saw the phenomenal rise of ordinary S'poreans with extraodinary voices. With cute smiles to boot. (i.e. Sly! <3) It's refreshing to see S'poreans going crazy after fellow S'poreans, instead of wannabe boybands or lip-synching nymphets from overseaas. Had a fun time chasing after the results. And Taufik will always be our S'pore Idol. =)

On the killer Tsunamis: On that particular Sunday I was sun-tanning on Siloso Beach. *Shudders*. S'pore is so very lucky to have been spared this catastrophe, and I've never been as grateful for being a S'porean. It will take billions of dollars to materialise reconstruction, and then there's the impending pandemic just waiting to happen. It's saddening to see innocent sufferers, especially children... sigh. May the new year bring new hope, and in the mean time we'll all just give whatever we can to relief the affected.

On Love: I've suffered an eyesore (bwahahaha... no prizes for guessing who I'm referring to), callously broken someone's heart, and finally had my own smashed to smithereens. Haha. What'd I say, it's definitely an eventful year! But I'm disillusioned... if it's not meant to be, there's no use hankering after it. Sigh.

On Friends and Family: Nothing more to add here. Because everyone was just GREAT. (that includes you. Yes, you reading this now!) =D

Ok... that's all I can think of to comment on. Until next year, people.
~Happy New Year!~

My Take

There's no denying that Tsunamis fascinate me. I'd seen this documentary when I was young and ever since then I've been a huge fan of it. Come to think of it I like natural disasters, like tornadoes (as immortalised by the film 'Twister'; saw this film at my late grandad's house a gazillion times) , hurricanes and the likes. But Tsunamis definitely top the list. And the deadly Tsunamis in the region that caused destruction catastrophic in proportion only increased my awe for them. It's only water, but it yields immense energy. And the way the wave curls and then crashes, is so grand and awe-inspiring. Nope I'm not exaggerating, 'cos that's just how I feel about Tsunamis.

Thus it was such that when I heard about the disaster, all I cared about was how the media would capture scenes of the killer Tsunami, how towering it was, how potent its force, how magnificent the whole thing was. I didn't really catch how many casualties there were, or how huge the scale of destruction was. Sadly, I just glued myself to the screen and willed the next video to be better than the previous one, to showcase the grandeur of the Tsunami.

Then I saw this picture of a 'lil girl weeping. And then it struck me that hey, people are suffering out there and all you care about is your stoopid Tsunami?? Yep I actually felt guilty about it.

So many innocent lives lost, and many of them were kids. It's in disasters like these that we can't help but feel the vulnerability of humans, and this time against Nature's fury, no less. If terrrorists could wipe out thousands and thousands, Mother Nature can do even worse.

Just my take on the disaster.
May all the unfortunate souls rest in eternal peace.

Spill!

Ok wait. When I said 'today' in my previous post I meant Wed, 'cos it's past midnight when I posted. And the reason I'm posting again is because... I feel like posting again. (>_<) I think one can get seriously addicted to blogging, and yesterday in ST's copy of Digital Life a couple of articles were devoted to it. Blah blah blah... Ok I'm just digressing. HaiZ.

The main thing is, I've thought things through and realised that if I tried extricating myself from all the messy emotions I've conjured up, and try personating the role of spectator-in-the-sidelines watching my supposedly messed-up life flash by, things'd be much much better. Like, of course it works that way, dummy... you just think too much and get entangled in all sorts of agony. It's all in the mind and it's for you to believe what you want to.

And I'm trying hard to believe. In the way that maybe unrequitted love isn't as painful as it seems, because hey, at least you have a heart to grow fond of that someone, and at least your heart tells you unflinchingly to go for it, to have that courage to love. Even if your feelings go unreciprocated, you should rejoice because you were ever happy with the acquaintance of your special someone. It's like that star in the sky... you know you can't ever reach it but you can't help try (saw this apt quote from somewhere).

There. Feels good to just pour everything out like that. Never felt better.
One of these days (in the very near future), I'll succeed in believing.

And no, I'm not a loony by the way. Haha.

X'mas spirit

Baked lotsa cookies with my bro and cousin today. It's been a long time since we baked and the last time we did, my cousin's mixer short fused and couldn't function anymore. And this time round we were lucky my dad was around, 'cos he smelled something funny (but we seriously thought all mixers are supposed to smell funny) and to our horror the motor of the mixer emitted fumes. Hahaha. Fotunately the beating was almost done, and we manually did the rest. My bro then proceeded to shape an unusually large cookiemonster-styled cookie, with his intial Z on it. When it was baked he held it close to his ear and said "Listen... Zzzzzzz", just like cookie monster always does. My cousin and I were almost rolling on the floor laughing. HahaZ!

Phew. We took approx 5 hrs to finish baking, and then my whole family went to orchard road. Met up my mum at the mandarin hotel and there was a group of pitch-perfect carollers. They're the best carollers I've ever heard. Brought out the spirit of Xmas fully... =)
We then traversed the whole (and I really mean the whole ) stretch of Orchard (our annual family-Xmas-tradition) , and there were throngs and throngs of people. The streets were just thick with the Xmas crowd, and there were so many street performances I lost count of how many. I can just imagine Julie Andrews singing "The streets are alive with the sound of Xmas...". Ha-ha-ha. ><
Anyways I enjoyed the dazzling lights and decos very much, but the most delightful part had to be when we settled down for supper opposite centre point. The food was graaaaaaate. Hehe.

Hohoho. Three days and counting.

Gone.
Like the detached kite from its string,
Like the final rays before twilight,
Like the minutes of precious time,
Like the hope that once sprang,
Like the self that almost believed.

My footnote: HaiZ and I do hate moping around like that. But whatever. I'll be fine in a jiffy, just like always. Oh well.

Untitled.

I feel horrible. Sometimes curling yourself up into a tight ball and letting your vision gradually blur with hot tears does wonders. Because you're momentarily purged of so much pent up feelings. Crying without inhibitions is an art by itself, for if correctly exectued it provides tremendous relief of sorts. You can worry about the aftermath (bloodshot eyes, runny nose etc etc) later, but right then and there all you can do (and all you really want to do) is to cry. And cry you will. Hard.

Sunday

Hmm I feel like chronicling the nitty gritties of my day. So here goes (get ready to doze off)...

Woke up at around 10am and my brothers were still sleeping. So I went into the living room where my mum was reading the papers, and she looked at me wide-eyed in surprise. I finished for her what she wanted to say: "Yah seldom see me wake up so early right?" And she actually nodded. My status as tru-blu pig has once again been reaffirmed. Oh well. It's just that I've had weird dreams all night (how's dreaming of eating green-coloured scrambled eggs that smell icky) and needa get up or else I'll go bonkers.

Breakfast! (Notice the exclamation mark; things to do with food hype me up. Ha.) We had tuna, so mum had me microwave two cans of it, after which she told me to slice the cucumbers. I have nothing against cucumbers, but slicing the skin off is another matter. Needless to say I did a slipshod job out of it (I just cannot wield the kitchen knife; I'm a knife-phobe) and my mum had to demoralise me by adding "Your brother can do better than you." Argh.

So I munched on my tuna sandwich and read the papers. ST's Lifestyle is my Sunday staple, and it feels downright odd should I go through a Sunday without browsing through it. Tay Yeak Kek's (dunno if I spelt his name correctly =P) column was featured today and I had a good laugh over his 'letter' to the governor of California, Arnie S. His gags are so lame, they're funny. He's one of my favourite columnists, including Sumiko Tan (the modern-day power-spinster) and Collin Goh (the wacky and brainy originator of talkingcock.com).

Proceeded to do my GP compre. Halfway through the paper, I suddenly realised the redundancy of having questions at all. They should just do away with all questions and request the most crucial one: 'rephrase the whole passage and use your own words as far as possible'. That'd save all the trouble. Saves paper too. Ok never mind. Procrastinated for quite a bit (watched Anaconda 2 which my dad bought yesterday) before I finally neared the end of the compre. There's just the AQ left.

Grabbed my mp3 and listened for a while, before I dozed off with the music still playing. This always happens, which explains why my batteries keep dwindling. Hmm by the time I woke up it was late afternoon/early evening and my family and I decided to venture to West Coast and rent bicycles. Unfortunately, the place has changed so much that the bicycle rental shed disappeared too. We ended up walking along the pier/jetty (dunno what it's properly called) and having snacks at Mac's. Not bad, the place was very nicely done up.

Came home and watched Shrek. My first time watching it, and it's pretty good. Lotsa spoofs we could relate to (like how my brothers guffawed at the WWE-like match at Dunlop; and Fiona's Matrix-style stances...). Niceee. After that we went out for supper, and I came back and completed my AQ, finally.

And here I am now typing out this (boring) blog. Speaking of boring, my whole week's gonna be filled with bore and more bore (library CIP). Argh. Just as well. Takes my mind off things...

Why do I have a feeling that emptiness will prevail this coming Yuletide? HaiZ.

My Star

There you are way up high
in the inky midnight sky,
twinkling as I give a sigh.
Discreetly you radiate lethal charm,
as I've realised with much alarm
how you alone dominate
my piece of blackened sky.
So it is now that I,
(with a strong impetus to try)
reach forth to grasp
what my fingers cannot clasp.
For there you are way up high,
in my piece of midnight sky...

My Christmas Wishlist (not in order of preferrence)

1.) Sylvia Plath's Ariel: The Restored Edition

2.) A pink PMK t-shirt (Pink? Bleahz. But hey PMK shirts look best in pink...)

3.) An orange Creative Zen Micro (I hope I can win this through the ST Life contest)

4.) A Billabong wallet

5.) A Very Merry X'mas. Haha.

Slyvia Plath's Ariel: The Restored Edition 

An Orange Creative Zen Micro 

Things I've learnt during camp (13-15Dec)

-That a person's outward behaviour may decieve. Because a docile and genial facade might belie a scheming side. My perfect impression of someone was nearly ruined when I got wind of... something. I say nearly 'cos I don't think he's actually that bad an egg; but then again you can't tell how rotten the interior of an egg is by looking at its shell alone. Hmm.

-That sleeping close to hi-fi set speakers ain't too good an idea when a movie with outrageous sound effects is being screened. But it provided a signal as to when to open your sleepy eyes and peek a little bit to catch the exciting bits. Basically I sat (laid down actually) through the whole movie with slitted eyes.

-That my reaction is slooooooow. The two times we played double whacko I had to be forfeited. Urgh.

-That scalding hot water doesn't melt plastic cups. The magic of milo...

-That madness is contagious. Just look at Xiaoling, Liling and Aaron. Hhaha.

-That nothing beats having a warm and comfy sleeping bag to nuzzle into at night. Hey SY, sorry you had to endure the chill on the first night... but the second night was better right? Thanks to my ingenuity... Ok both of our ingenuity. =P

-That walking alone along the dark classroom corridors at night is freaky. Had to return the classroom key to Ms Yeo. Oh and the staff lounge looked luxurious with its sofas; a far cry from the cold hard carpeted CO room floor. =P

-That my luck can't be any 'better'. During Murderer I've played murderer thrice and detective twice. Maybe several more times but I forgot.

-That I still can't get over my stage fright.

-That I can actually shun a piece of chocolate cake. Am feeling remorseful now.

-That the erhu section seriously needs to buck up. I'm with you guys... I need to get my act up too.

-That I have absolutely no affinity with cards. I figure there's this repulsion between me and them; I can't play bridge to save my life, much less unravel the secrets behind those irritating card tricks. Argh.

-That my home is still the sweetest.

Crimson

I'm lost in the garden
where roses of
bloody crimson abound.
Slender stems and lucious petals
they endear me with;
their perfumed aura empowering,
till I've fallen bewitched.
Behold the treachery,
Wild yet tame,
Glaring yet subtle.
Now it's the thorns that
are piercing me so, ripping,
gnashing, splitting.
Out gushes my blood which flows
thickened with vengeful angst
till the roses too are tainted;
their crimson thirst quenched,
and my bleeding soul barren.

There'll come a day...

Am listening to a song from the soundtrack of 蔷薇, '也许有一天'. Woohoo. It has a carefree and nonchalant feel about it, as if everything's falling apart but you're taking it in your stride. Maybe it's the after-effect of watching too much of the show, but listening to this song really relaxes me. And if you watch the show you'll know why... the song blends seamlessly into every lighthearted scene; which ain't too many if you ask moi.

Haven't felt like that in ages. (=

当我看着你的眼睛
我等的是奇迹
[也许有一天]

Addict~

I've been glued to the TV for hours on end. And nope, it's not some channel 8 drama serial. It's the complete set of 蔷薇之恋 which Sze Ean lent me. Hmm the VCDs have been collecting dust in a corner for quite some time before I decided to watch them. Yech. Don't exactly like SHE anyway... but to dispell my boredom, I'd do anything. (Even something as drastic as watching 3 wannabes. Their singing's already mediocre, and they want to act?! =P)
Surprisingly, the serial's not bad at all. Ella can really act, and the plot's enthralling (albeit somewhat complicated....) . But one of the main draws of the show is the character Han Kui. Hahaha. He's too pretty for a guy to be true. Very cute too. Makes for good eye-candy material. =D

Looks like the rest of my hols will be spent watching the VCDs. Let's hope I get to finish my tutorials on time...

Kui. 

Messed Up

I don't need reminder that I'm feelin' cranky and very out of sorts. (especially NOT from you. Urgh)

And the worst thing? I dunno what for.

Lemme see. The second worst thing. Not being able to sleep now 'cos I slept too much today. (Repeat after me now... P-I-G)

Hmm if only my world revolved around computer games and TV like my bros'.
Too bad it doesn't.

Seriously if the sky came crashing down this very minute I'd be glad of it; at least I wouldn't have to face another tomorrow. (ooh Dark. You'd think I'm some depressed maniac. But maybe that's not too unfounded...)

What am I doing posting this madness anyway.

Nawp. *brandishes pen and criss-crosses the above post away*

Top Ten Things I'm [very] Good at

10.) Daydreaming (I could spend the whole day without speaking; not a problem).

9.) Wishing I had a remote control that shushes the whole world when I push the mute button.

8.) Gazing with glassy eyes at the passing scenery when dad drives the car, silently.

7.) Settling in the cosiest spot in the library, away from the crowd, and reading away.

6.) Being indignant when treated unfairly; but in silence.

5.) Having a thousand conflicting thoughts in my head which are so loud they seem so real; when in reality I'm still silent.

4.) Believing fervently in the phrase 'Silence is golden'. Sometimes more can be exchanged between two persons without uttering a single word.

3.) Keeping silent when you're pissed with something; I'm not good with words anyway.

2.) Walking alongside you quietly when you're sobbing as if the world's gonna end (with the occasional sympathetic pat on the back)... I'm still not too good with words.

1.) Only managing a smile when you amuse me; I'm definitely not good with words. (But really, you charmed me)

Trouble

Oh no, I see,

A spider web is tangled up with me,

And I lost my head,

The thought of all the stupid things I said,

Oh no what's this?

A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,

So I turned to run,

The thought of all the stupid things I've done...

Coldplay- Trouble

Phenomenon

Ok I'm disappointed. But not too sorely. 'Cos it's common knowledge that Taufik has THE voice. But Sly has the irresistable charm... oh man oh man. Hahha. Hmm it's not like I'm gonna care very very much anyway, he's not Jay for instance. Yep they can sing, but can they tinker with instuments like a pro? Noooooooooo. =P
May Taufik do us proud on the world stage, like a true S'pore Idol. =)
[edit: just found out that there won't be World Idol for Taufik *scratches head*]

Tell me

Tell me I've not made it worse,
Tell me everything's fine.
Tell me a wound's easy to nurse,
Tell me I've not crossed that line.
Tell me there still exists hope,
Tell me I shall not be disappointed.
Tell me it's not too difficult to cope,
Tell me my bad dreams have faded.
Tell me wondrous stories,
Tell me the uniqueness of Life.
Tell me all the past glories,
Tell me I will survive.